The amount of resources spent on football is baffling. The time squandered, the financial loss, and subjecting yourself to watching dumbass commercials for hours on end can’t be a recipe for success. And I write this as I watch Alabama dismantle an over-matched Louisville team, an even bigger waste of time than the typical game because it isn’t even competitive.
Here’s a short list of things you can do in less time than the average football game
- Fly from NYC to the Bahamas.
- Fall in love with dreamy DiCaprio while you watch the full length Titanic movie. There was plenty of space on that door and Rose knew it!
- Roast a turkey.
- Drive from LA to Mexico, and have time to stop for lunch.
- Run a decently paced marathon.
An infamous article published by the Wall Street Journal breaks down that while the average game length has grown to 3 hours and 24 minutes, only 11 minutes of that is actually playing time. 17 minutes per game is spent on replays….. I’ll say it again for the people in the back. More time is spent during the broadcast re-showing plays than time spent actually playing those same plays. It’s like the football version of Inception.
On a similar note, the average NFL game has 20 commercial breaks, containing over 100 commercials. So while watching young guys take hit after hit to the head, you are simultaneously taking shot after shot to the head from the ad departments of these giant companies. Need a new pickup truck? They’ll try to convince you that you do. I haven’t ever needed to tow a semi truck with a load of timber, but I’m sure the ability to do that will come in handy soon. Are you happy with your current beer? They’ll try to convince you that you aren’t. Coors Lite is trying to tell me their beer is “cleaner” than other beers…? Its almost funny to see how little these marketers think of the people watching these games.
There are nearly 15 million people watching each NFL game. Wait, let’s do the math on this. 3.5 hours x 15 million is…..52 MILLION HOURS LOST EACH GAME?! Imagine if these people were spending their 3 hours reading, researching, or inflecting on something that would truly benefit their life. And this is only during the game. Tens of thousands of people follow every aspect of their team year round. Researching recruits, reading predictions for the year, following player injury progress, keeping up with trades & transfers, and watching the draft. What do you gain from all this time and energy invested? More fodder for bullshit water cooler talk? Do you become a better fan? Is there a grading scale that I’m unaware of? Where or what is the return on your investment of time?
The average American’s salary is right at $56.5k per year. That works out to a little over $27 per hour. If you use this valuation of time, each person watching is throwing away $95 worth of their life in a game. With an 18 week season, if you only watch one single game per week, you are pouring over $1700 of your life down the drain. But, most of the people I know park their ass in front of the TV for practically the whole day, getting in as little physical activity as possible while eating copious amounts of unhealthy food.
And it doesn’t stop there. Some people will mention the friendship and camaraderie of having friends over and rooting for your team. But how much money are you spending to host those friends? Order out for food and a couple cases of beer and Coke for 4 or 5 extra friends and all of a sudden you are in the hole at least another hundred bucks. Additionally, the desire to flaunt how much you have when you host friends is sometimes too much for people to bear. I worked in the electronics section at Walmart right out of high school, and the week leading up to the Super Bowl was the biggest week in sales for TV’s. It makes sense, though. I couldn’t imagine going to someone’s house and watching the game on some 40” LCD like a poor person. Frank better have at least a 70” LED TV or we will pack our shit up and go home.
And you can’t be expected to watch the game in a regular t-shirt. If you’re a “real” fan, you’d better have a jersey, a polo, or at least a $25 t-shirt on and a hat and a beer coozie. Hell, your car better be decked out with flags, stickers, floor mats, steering wheel covers, and any other branded junk you can get your hands on. It’s statistically shown to help your team win by spending money on unneccessary merchandise.
Time wasted. Money wasted. Health wasted. I’m starting to wonder if there is anything good about being a football fan?